Your Own Personal Ghosts...

Have you ever stumbled upon something that drags you kicking and screaming into reminds you of your past? Be it an old photo, email, journal entry, whatever, it just sneaks up on you.

That happened to me today. I signed into an old email account to get right of some junk and found myself reading old emails that were best forgotten. I'm reminded of the person I used to be, the people I used to love, and all the hurt I've sustained and survived. This is a bittersweet journey, to say the least.

While I know that I am a far happier and more balanced person now, sometimes I miss the way things were. I miss the friendships of the past. I miss the carefree evenings out on the town. I miss the excitement of wondering "what if". I miss feeling like all paths are open to me.

There are far more things, though, that I don't miss. I don't miss feeling like my heart is going to break on a daily basis. I don't miss agonizing over relationships. I don't miss feeling like my entire worth is based on how others see me. I don't miss feeling like it's my job to make others happy. I don't miss not knowing how to move on from a life that was so familiar and safe.

I guess I'm just realizing that while this life is "a work in progress," there's already been a lot more progress than I once thought. I'm proud of the woman I am. She's not a girl, dependent on others to show her the way. She is a strong woman, creating her own opportunities and experiencing love in so many ways. I never thought I'd get here.